![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
PERSONALITY & BACKGROUND
PERSONALITY
by all appearances, sunny is one of many darlings of the industry. warm and considerate to the people who adore her work, receptive and professional in the face of criticism; she goes to great lengths to maintain a positive public image, all in the hopes of avoiding the scorn of luminous studios. after what happened with mds entertainment, they have their eyes on her. they know that she knows what she has at stake.
with that in mind, sunny takes to her craft with an intense discipline. often described as a perfectionist, she is always the first one to ask for a reshoot if her performance falls short of her standards. when she has a second to spare, it isn't uncommon to find sunny drilling lines or working through the motions of a scene for the umpteenth time. there is no margin for error — in either her professional life or her personal one.
and that is because, above all else, sunny wants to please. friend or stranger alike, if someone seems to be having a rough day, she'll dig and try to push through to the core. while her intent is to be helpful, she can certainly come off as nosy. it isn't possible to be the perfect friend, but if there's a chance that she can make a small difference by trying, she'll bet on it.
for better or for worse, she puts her all into each endeavor. that's why a single mistake is like a critical hit; she'll overthink it into oblivion and wonder what she could have possible done differently. even with her eyes closed, even without having to look at the others, working their way through the same industry as her, struggling against the same odds, sunny knows. she knows that, without doubt or question, she is not good enough to be among them. and so, she has to be at the top of her game at all times, otherwise she'll immediately lose her footing on an already uneven ground. this particular belief often causes her to spread herself too thinly.
still, regardless of how filled her plate is, she makes a point of maintaining a playful disposition, unafraid of poking fun at herself or her experiences. however, if she doesn't catch herself in time, sunny has a habit of coming off uncomfortably self-deprecating.
-
likes street jazz; edible arrangements; Good Dogs™; mobage; puns; starting a new book; live performances; bath bombs; asmr videos; having her hair played with
dislikes leaving things unfinished; forgetting to apply lotion; eating alone; hard candies; running out of her melatonin; reaching the end of a book; that moment in the morning, when she's in the midst of sleep, and light slips between the cracks in her blinds, spilling itself over her face; losing track of time; wearing mismatched socks; interviews
BACKGROUND
sunny doesn't want to be a fucking actress.
she's also never met her mother, and fears the scathing disappointment in her grandmother's eyes more than anything. so, she goes to the workshops. she tries not to feel too lonely at youth acting camp. in high school, she participates in theatre.
she does what she's told, and everything goes as planned.
-
entering mds entertainment is easy enough. after all, sunny comes recommended. her grandmother, hailing from an older generation of talents, earned accolade after accolade during her time there. now, a highly-respected stockholder long past her prime, she has a fierce desire to see her legacy continue on — in sunny.
the association gets her places, but it leaves her with a sickly feeling simmering in her gut. like she hasn't earned her place there. like she never will.
-
she's a year into her contract when she finds an unassuming slip of paper under her door.
4:30 PM. if you have the time, please meet me in pane cafe.
love, mom
behind the final message, sunny can see eraser smudges and the faded print of nineteen years worth of words left unsaid. a voice whispers to her: it has to be a hoax. either someone is pretending to be her or she wants something from you. don't go, you'll regret it. don't go, you'll only be disappointed.
sunny checks the time on the lock screen of her phone. 4:00 PM.
-
they meet. they meet many times at the same table, by the same window, in the same cafe.
sunny looks so much like her mother, the staff consistently mistake them for sisters. it's hard to believe that, if they had lived together as an ordinary family, this would be a normal occurrence.
her mother tells her about her dreams — the ones that didn't belong to sunny's grandmother — and how she fell in with a rough crowd along the way. she's in-and-out of rehab right now, but she's really trying to clean herself up this time. seeing her daughter try so hard on television inspired her to.
during one of their meetings, sunny hands her mother a light check worth a hefty amount, gently pushes it into the older woman's hands when she says no.
"let me help you."
-
outside, a short distance away, someone presses the shutter to their camera.
-
sensationalist headliners like SUNNY FUNDS HER MOTHER'S DRUG ADDICTION and SUNNY'S MOM ALSO HER DEALER start appearing that week. mds entertainment drops her the week after, but only once she's released a letter to the press acknowledging her mistake. none of it is true, but no one cares about how weird it is to pay a drug dealer in anything other than bills or how there is no evidence of anything else being exchanged between them.
to top it all off, her grandmother won't even look her in the eye and her mother's nowhere to be found.
-
finding acting auditions without an agent is absolute hell. getting a part? almost impossible. there is a passing moment where she considers distancing herself from the industry entirely, but... acting is all she knows and it feels too late to try her hand at anything else. it feels too late to reinvent herself, be someone different.
sunny spends two years going from one part-time job to the next, all the while attending as many casting calls as humanly possible. as luck would have it, she finally lands a role for a life insurance commercial that intends to shoot from a more emotional angle.
the scenario is simple: she, a volunteer at a nursing home, cares for an elderly man who mistakes her for his grandchild. one day, he isn't there anymore. shocked by man's mortality, the volunteer returns home to her own grandmother and yada, yada. it goes viral within the day, if only because it's a tearjerker with little to do with what's actually being marketed.
afterward, there are a few more calls and e-mails than she had before the shooting, but one voicemail in particular stands out.
hello! this is samantha, a representative from luminous studios. we'd like to congratulate you for your recent success, as well as make an offer! we're well aware of your past history with mds entertainment, but if you could call us back at XXX-XXX-XXXX, we have an exciting opportunity we'd love to further discuss with you. alright, have a nice day. bye-bye.
-
three years later, sunny dreams of a life where she'd only gone to that meeting to say, i'd rather die than be another one of your cash cows. just to see the look on their faces before she'd flounced out. she dreams of a life where she hadn't misplaced her spine on the way there, where she hadn't agreed so easily to their terms.
by all appearances, sunny is one of many darlings of the industry. warm and considerate to the people who adore her work, receptive and professional in the face of criticism; she goes to great lengths to maintain a positive public image, all in the hopes of avoiding the scorn of luminous studios. after what happened with mds entertainment, they have their eyes on her. they know that she knows what she has at stake.
with that in mind, sunny takes to her craft with an intense discipline. often described as a perfectionist, she is always the first one to ask for a reshoot if her performance falls short of her standards. when she has a second to spare, it isn't uncommon to find sunny drilling lines or working through the motions of a scene for the umpteenth time. there is no margin for error — in either her professional life or her personal one.
and that is because, above all else, sunny wants to please. friend or stranger alike, if someone seems to be having a rough day, she'll dig and try to push through to the core. while her intent is to be helpful, she can certainly come off as nosy. it isn't possible to be the perfect friend, but if there's a chance that she can make a small difference by trying, she'll bet on it.
for better or for worse, she puts her all into each endeavor. that's why a single mistake is like a critical hit; she'll overthink it into oblivion and wonder what she could have possible done differently. even with her eyes closed, even without having to look at the others, working their way through the same industry as her, struggling against the same odds, sunny knows. she knows that, without doubt or question, she is not good enough to be among them. and so, she has to be at the top of her game at all times, otherwise she'll immediately lose her footing on an already uneven ground. this particular belief often causes her to spread herself too thinly.
still, regardless of how filled her plate is, she makes a point of maintaining a playful disposition, unafraid of poking fun at herself or her experiences. however, if she doesn't catch herself in time, sunny has a habit of coming off uncomfortably self-deprecating.
-
likes street jazz; edible arrangements; Good Dogs™; mobage; puns; starting a new book; live performances; bath bombs; asmr videos; having her hair played with
dislikes leaving things unfinished; forgetting to apply lotion; eating alone; hard candies; running out of her melatonin; reaching the end of a book; that moment in the morning, when she's in the midst of sleep, and light slips between the cracks in her blinds, spilling itself over her face; losing track of time; wearing mismatched socks; interviews
BACKGROUND
sunny doesn't want to be a fucking actress.
she's also never met her mother, and fears the scathing disappointment in her grandmother's eyes more than anything. so, she goes to the workshops. she tries not to feel too lonely at youth acting camp. in high school, she participates in theatre.
she does what she's told, and everything goes as planned.
-
entering mds entertainment is easy enough. after all, sunny comes recommended. her grandmother, hailing from an older generation of talents, earned accolade after accolade during her time there. now, a highly-respected stockholder long past her prime, she has a fierce desire to see her legacy continue on — in sunny.
the association gets her places, but it leaves her with a sickly feeling simmering in her gut. like she hasn't earned her place there. like she never will.
-
she's a year into her contract when she finds an unassuming slip of paper under her door.
4:30 PM. if you have the time, please meet me in pane cafe.
love, mom
behind the final message, sunny can see eraser smudges and the faded print of nineteen years worth of words left unsaid. a voice whispers to her: it has to be a hoax. either someone is pretending to be her or she wants something from you. don't go, you'll regret it. don't go, you'll only be disappointed.
sunny checks the time on the lock screen of her phone. 4:00 PM.
-
they meet. they meet many times at the same table, by the same window, in the same cafe.
sunny looks so much like her mother, the staff consistently mistake them for sisters. it's hard to believe that, if they had lived together as an ordinary family, this would be a normal occurrence.
her mother tells her about her dreams — the ones that didn't belong to sunny's grandmother — and how she fell in with a rough crowd along the way. she's in-and-out of rehab right now, but she's really trying to clean herself up this time. seeing her daughter try so hard on television inspired her to.
during one of their meetings, sunny hands her mother a light check worth a hefty amount, gently pushes it into the older woman's hands when she says no.
"let me help you."
-
outside, a short distance away, someone presses the shutter to their camera.
-
sensationalist headliners like SUNNY FUNDS HER MOTHER'S DRUG ADDICTION and SUNNY'S MOM ALSO HER DEALER start appearing that week. mds entertainment drops her the week after, but only once she's released a letter to the press acknowledging her mistake. none of it is true, but no one cares about how weird it is to pay a drug dealer in anything other than bills or how there is no evidence of anything else being exchanged between them.
to top it all off, her grandmother won't even look her in the eye and her mother's nowhere to be found.
-
finding acting auditions without an agent is absolute hell. getting a part? almost impossible. there is a passing moment where she considers distancing herself from the industry entirely, but... acting is all she knows and it feels too late to try her hand at anything else. it feels too late to reinvent herself, be someone different.
sunny spends two years going from one part-time job to the next, all the while attending as many casting calls as humanly possible. as luck would have it, she finally lands a role for a life insurance commercial that intends to shoot from a more emotional angle.
the scenario is simple: she, a volunteer at a nursing home, cares for an elderly man who mistakes her for his grandchild. one day, he isn't there anymore. shocked by man's mortality, the volunteer returns home to her own grandmother and yada, yada. it goes viral within the day, if only because it's a tearjerker with little to do with what's actually being marketed.
afterward, there are a few more calls and e-mails than she had before the shooting, but one voicemail in particular stands out.
hello! this is samantha, a representative from luminous studios. we'd like to congratulate you for your recent success, as well as make an offer! we're well aware of your past history with mds entertainment, but if you could call us back at XXX-XXX-XXXX, we have an exciting opportunity we'd love to further discuss with you. alright, have a nice day. bye-bye.
-
three years later, sunny dreams of a life where she'd only gone to that meeting to say, i'd rather die than be another one of your cash cows. just to see the look on their faces before she'd flounced out. she dreams of a life where she hadn't misplaced her spine on the way there, where she hadn't agreed so easily to their terms.
entry #237
it took a couple flicks to get the lighter going, but once i got the butt lit, it was all smooth sailing from there
breathing out the smoke was like breathing out all the noise in my head
i couldnt help but stare fixedly at the cloud, the way it lingered in the air, wanting to stay, before dissipating completely.
that's the thing about smoke and love, i think. you can't hold it, you can't contain it.
you just have to let it leave.